> **** DRAFT **** PRESS RELEASE - LINUX KERNEL 2.2.0 **** DRAFT ****
> **** FORK 1 **** FINAL-2 DRAFT
>
> Linux kernel version 2.2.0 released
The ".0" is not good. It is like "Windows NT 4.0, service pack 0".
With "released" in the past tense, this press release is lifeless.
I suggest present tense for the whole thing.
> * Advanced network routing and wide area network (WAN) support give
> Linux the ability to replace many expensive, proprietary protocol
> network devices. Users can take control of their intranets with wide
> support for a wide variety of protocols, usage limits, accounting,
> and virtual private networks. Strong (256-bit) encryption is available
> as an add-on component.
I had to word wrap the above, because the lines got too long.
It would be better to stick to 72 characters.
I like "WAN (wide area network)" better than "wide area network (WAN)".
Think about "wide support for a wide". "256-bit" is better than "(256-bit)".
Feature check:
- priority traffic <-- important new QoS queueing stuff
X usage limits
- firewalls <-- much more flexible now
X accounting
X virtual private networks
You missed two.
"proprietary protocol network devices" sounds really weird.
It might be best to split off the encryption. I have this:
: ability to replace many expensive proprietary network devices.
: Users can take control of their intranet with priority traffic,
: usage limits, firewalls, accounting, and virtual private networks.
:
: * Strong 256-bit encryption, available as an add-on component
: uncompromised by US export restrictions. Linux protects both
: network infrastructure and hard disk storage, including swap space.
If you want that second one as a complete sentence:
"Linux provides strong [...]"
> * Owing to its tradition of open and international development, Linux
> is positioned as an operating system ready for the new millennium.
> Linux 2.2 is Y2K ready and continues to build on previous versions'
> internationalization.
This fits better in the BACKGROUND section.
> * The network file system support is enterprise-grade, with data
> replication for performance, mobility, and reliability.
Hmmm. Try this:
: * Linux has enterprise-level network filesystem support, with data
: replication for performance, mobility, and extreme reliability.
: File server destruction need not and should not stop business.
I still think "complete with" is appropriate.
> * New multimedia capabilities include video capture support, TV tuner
> support, and enhanced audio support.
Except for audio, Linux had no multimedia capabilities before?
I suppose it is mostly true, but we shouldn't imply that it is.
This seems nice:
: * Video conferencing and recording support, TV tuner support,
: enhanced audio support, and other exciting multimedia enhancements.
Again, if you prefer whole sentences: "Linux 2.2 provides [...]"
> * Linux's already legendary performance is significantly enhanced. High end
> symmetric multiprocessing (SMP) support scales well, supporting systems
> with up to 64 processors.
Use "High-end", not "High end", but only if you insist.
Try simple terms like "computers with multiple processors" instead of
complicated terms like "symmetric multiprocessing (SMP)".
I hate "performance is significantly enhanced" for some reason.
It is passive voice and seems to parody the typical press release.
Don't ever write "Linux's". Besides violating Linus's trademark rights,
it just doesn't look that good.
> * Compatibility with Windows NT and Unix filesystems enables Linux 2.2 to
> seamlessly handle data from legacy systems. SAMBA (http://www.samba.org/)
> gives a Linux system the ability to provide a complete replacement for NT
> Server services, including file and print sharing and domain
> authentication.
Ah, but no NTFS support? Not only that, but Samba is old news.
Samba isn't even part of the kernel. Linux supports some BSD
filesystems, but not many Unix filesystems. (only the old "sysv")
Terms to avoid: "partition", "slice", and "filesystem". Prefer "documents"
over "data". Kill "legacy", since it hurts our credibility. ("upgrade" is
pushing our luck but worth the risk) Avoid "enables $FOO to" constructs.
Good idea: be buzzword compliant
Bad idea: make fun of marketing language
If you use the "Windows", you need to credit Microsoft. If you stick to
plain "NT", you can credit Northern Telecom Limited instead.
Try this:
: * Linux allows easy access to documents stored on NTFS-format hard disks.
: This NT compatibility support provides an upgrade path to Linux.
> * Because Linux operates under an open development model, any user has the
> ability to modify the operating system components and submit patches to
> the official distribution. This both facilitates the development of new
> features and enables users to repair problems within hours after they
> have been located.
This was introduced around Linux 0.02, if then.
Don't ever use "modify". Why would anybody want to do that?
Use "customize". Use "every user" rather than "any user".
> Linux 2.2 is available for free download on the Internet: visit the Linux
> Kernel Archive (http://www.kernel.org/) to obtain it from a worldwide
> network of mirror servers which has been established in anticipation of
> massive demand for this new version. As always, the Linux kernel is
> distributed as Free Software under the terms of the GNU General Public
> License (http://www.fsf.org/copyleft/gpl.html).
This is getting _way_ too detailed.
> Linux distribution vendors are expected to ship fully-integrated systems
> using the new kernel before Q2 1999. Business users should look to their
> distribution vendors for information about this important upgrade.
OK, as long as we can really expect that.
> ABOUT LINUX
>
> "Linux" is the common name for a class of secure network operating system
> distributions based on the Linux kernel and software from the Free Software
> Foundation's GNU Project. Linux takes full advantage of modern, high-end
> PC, Power Mac, Alpha, and UltraSPARC hardware. It can also breathe life
> into older machines -- even 386- and 486-based computers. Networks of Linux
> computers can provide supercomputer-like performance for some applications;
> one widely-known example is the dramatic 3-D scenes in the blockbuster
> movie "Titanic", which were rendered on Alpha-powered Linux systems.
Simplify! Kill "distributions" (what are they?), GNU (not fair),
the Alpha and UltraSPARC (huh?), the 386 (long gone), and "Titanic"
(getting old).
Stick to the goal. This document has "designed by committee" all over it.
Oh, so it was designed by committee... Try to hide that!
> Support is widely available both from distribution vendors and third
> parties, as well as from numerous Usenet groups and mailing lists.
You forgot IRC, "Ask Slashdot", email, and web-based discussion groups.
The term "Usenet" is kind of dead. Many people know mailing lists as
"email groups". It is better to be vague: "cost-effective Internet groups".
> Linux is
> provided under an unlimited-use license that lets users make in-house
> customizations to the system itself. Recent estimates suggest that Linux
> has up to 20 million users worldwide.
>
> Microsoft employees Josh Cohen and Vinod Valloppillil, in a competitive
> examination of Linux (The so-called "Halloween Document",
> http://www.opensource.org/halloween.html), wrote that "Linux represents a
> best-of-breed UNIX, that is trusted on mission critical applications, and -
> due to its open source code - has a long term credibility which exceeds
> many other competitive operating systems."
We can't use "UNIX" here. We can't use it anywhere at all.
Only reporters may use the term without prior authorization,
and they still have to be careful about proper use.
> ABOUT LINUS TORVALDS
>
> Linus Torvalds, originally from Finland, lives with his family in Santa
> Clara, CA, USA. He and others created Linux as an open-source alternative
> to proprietary, closed operating systems after becoming disillusioned with
> the poor quality and prohibitive pricing of commercial offerings.
>
> Linux is a trademark of Linus Torvalds.
registered trademark
> Power Mac is a trademark of Apple
> Computer, Inc. UltraSPARC is a trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Alpha is
> a trademark of Compaq Computer Corporation. UNIX is a trademark of The Open
> Group. Microsoft is a trademark of Microsoft Corporation. All other
> trademarks and registered trademarks are properties of their respective
> owners.
>
> FOR MORE INFORMATION
[huge list]
That list has got to go. It is growing without bounds. It is full of
sites that aren't really suitable. The list will never be fair.
It looks totally "designed by committee". It must die, die, die!!!
I have personally checked these sites:
www.Linux.ORG www.uk.Linux.ORG www.LinuxResources.com
They are all generic Linux sites. There isn't much non-Linux crud
or distribution-specific crud on them. They look appealing.
> Let me make it clear that comments and suggestions are definitely
> appreciated. The release is going to have to go out pretty soon,
> so make your suggestions now.
If you have translators, please encourage them to make an approximate
translation that fits their culture. Exactness is of little use.
They should also change the URLs to native-language web sites.
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